Who made the world? Who made the swan, and the black bear? Who made the grasshopper? This grasshopper, I mean— the one who has flung herself out of the grass, the one who is eating sugar out of my hand, who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down— who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes. Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face. Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away. I don't know exactly what a prayer is. I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields, which is what I have been doing all day. Tell me, what else should I have done? Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
-Mary Oliver

This is 38.

Today is my happy new year. Another trip around the sun, lessons learned, love given and received. I am feeling sparkly with love and abundance from the Universe this weekend.

Yesterday morning, I woke up to snuggly kids in our cozy bed, and started the day feeling bathed in the warmth of gratitude. I heated up some pumpkin bread with butter and cinnamon, poured a mug of hot coffee and cream, and thought about how I want my 38th year to feel. Here are a few words that came to mind…

Delicious…Rich…Cozy…Colorful…Affectionate…Intimate…Patient…Slow…Connected…

I have an old journal from college, with Mary Oliver’s famous quote from the above poem, and I think of this often. I dream big dreams while enjoying simple pleasures, looking for beauty and joyful moments every day, and actively work to stay present in the now.

I also continue to learn to acknowledge my fears, my doubts, my shortcomings, my struggles. I am as imperfect as they come. I am broken and cracked and parts glued back together with love and care and a whole lot of grace. And honestly, some parts are haphazardly slapped on with duck tape.

As a Libra Sun, I love this time of year. It’s a time to turn more inward, slow down, get cozy and sink deeper into yourself. I wonder how much of who I am is ruled by being born into this world in early October, and arriving at this season feels like a joyful homecoming.

As the days, weeks, months and years tick by, I really just want to live a life of simple joys.

I hope I am always this person who sits and looks around at nature, listening to music, breathing deeply and feeling grateful for where I am in every moment.

I want to continue to explore and make art that feels vibrant, healing, empathetic and full of love.

I want to show my family the most love and affection possible. I want to exercise more patience and slowness with my parenting, and more intimacy and connection with my partner. To go to bed each night, cuddled up to my dearest love, and sink into peaceful, restful sleep.

I want to bottle up moments of watching my kids running wild and free, with their laughter tickling the treetops and their hair smelling of sunshine and pine at the end of the day.

I want to take in every possible sight, sound, smell, taste, and feeling as I go about my days.

I want to laugh from the depths of my belly until tears squeeze out the corners of my eyes and form rivers down my cheeks.

The tide continues to flow in and out. Our bodies continue to expand and contract with the moon. The sun rises and sets in gloriously brilliant watercolor masterpieces that stretch across the sky. And there’s so dam,n much in between all of that.

I want to enjoy it all.

I want to savor every morsel of every moment.

With butter and cinnamon.

When I worked full time at my corporate job, I yearned for a life where I could make my own schedule, be home with my babies (who at that point, were still just a dream), and do work that I loved and truly cared about.

Now, ten years later and five years into the work at home life, I have some reflections to share!

The grass isn’t always greener.

Boom. I said it. We tend to think of what we don’t have through this beautiful ideal lens. But there are definitely both pros and cons to working inside and outside the home.

For instance, some days, I’m perfectly fine with not seeing people, not leaving the house, putting my head down and getting to work. Other days, I really miss having coworkers and those quick (or sometimes long) chats in the kitchen while getting my 3pm coffee. The social aspect of working from home is difficult, and I have to actively seek out lunches, coffee dates and meetups with other entrepreneurs, which has taken some time to form those friendly relationships.

Productivity is another variable. When I worked my office job, I definitely had days I didn’t get a lot done. I wasn’t focused, or I had more meetings than active desk time. I thought, “Someday when I work from home, I’ll get so much done because I won’t have anyone telling me what to do. My house will be so clean because I’ll be able to get housework done between tasks. There will be so much freedom!”

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha……Oh, Shannon from 2011-2014…

Yes, there’s freedom, but honestly, my house was cleaner when I worked in an office! This is because I wasn’t home all day, everyday, with my husband and toddler and young child, using the kitchen, bathroom and living spaces to play, craft, do homework, work and make 3 meals a day. When we were all out of the house all day, every day, the house was untouched and much easier to keep tidy.

There’s also more pressure most days working from home and running my own business. My productivity and creativity are directly tied to my growth and success. Where I could technically show up to an office job and know how much I’m getting paid on Friday regardless of how much work is actually getting done, I need to ensure that I maximize the hours of the day to keep my business moving forward and growing.

I want to offer you a realistic look at what my typical day looks like as a work at home mom, running a creative small business.

Since I wear many hats throughout the day, creatively, as a business owner, and as a mom, I thought I’d share more of a what an “ideal” day looks like. There’s a lot of variance depending on if I have a shoot, if I’m volunteering at Lily’s school, if the kids are having meltdowns, or if we have activities in the afternoon/evening.

7:00am: I get up, shower and get dressed. It doesn’t take long because I don’t dry my hair or put on makeup, and I’m usually wearing leggings and a sweater to work from home. On a more ideal schedule, I’d be waking up at 6:15 to workout first. Baby steps. And some days, I don’t shower until later in the morning or afternoon.

7:20am: Wake up the kids and get Lily dressed for school. Roo stays in comfy jammies most mornings unless we plan to go out somewhere.

7:30am: We go downstairs and I make breakfast for the kids, which they eat while watching Disney Junior or Sesame Street. While they’re eating, I brew my coffee, make Lily’s lunch, make sure she has her homework and books in her backpack, and scroll a little on Facebook or Instagram.

8:00am: Time to get Lily ready to get out the door. I take her out to the bus at 8:10, and Roo stays in the house on colder days like today, finishing his breakfast and watching Mickey. Sean is usually waking up and coming downstairs to start his day. I try to let him sleep in a bit because he doesn’t get home from work until 1am most nights.

8:15-8:30am: I pour some coffee and sit down with my daily check-in journal. I try to spend a few minutes writing down my gratitudes, a mental and physical check-in, do a brain dump for the day, and write down an affirmation to start my day in a positive mindset.

8:30-9:00am: I sit with Roo, drink some more coffee and eat something breakfast, usually greek yogurt or some scrambled eggs. I look at my planner and what I need to accomplish for the day.

Working at my dining room table so I can keep an eye on Roo while he plays independently.

9:00-11:30am: If I don’t have a photo session booked or I’m not volunteering at Lily’s school (I help out at her library twice a week), this is my time to sit down and dig into work. I usually sit at the dining room table with a laptop so I can keep an eye on Roo while he’s playing, unless I have a lot of photo work to do. If that’s the case, I sit at my desk in the corner of the living room. With Sean’s current work schedule, he’s home during the day, so we play it a bit by ear. I usually do my social media planning, writing, work on my weekly email newsletter, update my website, and the less fun “business” work in the mornings.

I drink 2-3 cups of coffee in the mornning and sometimes I put it in the microwave to reheat, and don’t find it until the next day.

11:30am: Lunchtime for Roo! I make his lunch and do some more work while he’s eating.

12:30pm: Naptime! I bring Roo up to his room to nap, and at this point, if I haven’t showered yet, I do that. If I have showered, I come back downstairs and make my own lunch. Sean and I sometimes eat together and usually watch a short cooking show. If I remember to, I throw a load of laundry into the washer.

1:00-3:00pm: The Naptime Hustle. This is my quiet time of day to work, and I try to spend it on my creative projects, like photo editing, illustrating, designing, or working on podcast scripts. Sean is still home and usually reading, watching a show or running errands. If I don’t have a heavy workload to do, or if it’s a busier evening of activities, sometimes I use this time to make dinner so Sean can take something fresh to work and I can get the kids fed quicker and easier.

3:00-3:30pm: The golden half hour of my day. Sean leaves for work, Roo is still napping and Lily is still at school. If I have podcast recording or editing to do, I do it in this small time block. If not, I answer emails and knock off small tasks that only take a few minutes.

3:30-4:00pm: Roo wakes up and we get Lily off the bus. I get the kids a snack, make myself a cup of tea or coffee, and we get settled in for the afternoon.

Around 4pm I am transitioning more into mom mode, but am happy my kids get to see me working, too.

4:00-5:00pm: Lily does homework and then she and Roo have time to play or read. I try to squeeze out another hour of work with the understanding that I’ll probably be interrupted.

5:00pm: I do my best to transition out of work and into mom-mode, spending about 20 minutes cleaning up, putting in a load of laundry, unload the dishwasher, stuff I would typically do if I were just getting home from working at an office.

5:30-6:00pm: Prep and make dinner while the kids chill and watch a show.

6:00-7:00pm: Eat dinner with the kids, sometimes at the table, sometimes watching a show. We clean up dinner and do a 15-minute pick up of any toys or books that need to be put away. Make sure Lily’s backpack is ready to go for the next morning.

7:00-8:00pm: Bedtime! The kids take a shower or bath, we get pjs on, brush teeth, and spend some time reading before bed. Some nights they are like wild beasts running around and jumping off furniture. Other nights they are burnt toast. Some nights I am burnt toast. I have started to let Lily stay up a little longer to read. Many nights I stay in their room a bit longer, and play lullabies on my phone while catching up on social media.

9:00pm-1:00am: Oh gosh, it depends on the night. I have stopped trying to do any work after the kids go to bed, as that’s a surefire way for me to fall asleep sitting up at my desk. I usually stay upstairs, put away some laundry or clean up my room, if I think of it I’ll do a nighttime face mask and read or crochet. Sometimes I’ll have a glass of wine and watch Outlander for 3 hours straight. Sometimes I fall asleep sitting up while scrolling Instagram. There are many nights I stay up until Sean gets home at 1am.

That’s a very typical day for me! We have afternoons where Lily gets home and we have to get right back out the door for dance classes or Scouts. We occasionally squeeze in a mid-week playdate or Target run. But right now in the wintertime, if we don’t have to go anywhere, we hunker down for the evening.

It’s not perfect, but honestly, I feel very lucky to get to spend this time at home with Andrew during the day, and be home to get Lily off the bus. Some days we spend more time playing or running errands, going to the playground when its warmer or the library when it’s chilly and we need to get out of the house. We go out for breakfast once a week as a family, and have settled nicely into our non-traditional family schedule.

And it’ll all change in a couple weeks when Sean starts working days! He will be home around the same time as Lily is getting out of school! I am very excited for this change, since I currently go non-stop with work and parenting from 7am-9pm. Being on my own most nights for dinner and bedtime, while we have gotten used to it, is very tiring.

And while some days are not as productive as I’d like them to be, I am thankful for what I am able to do with a flexible schedule to be home with my kids. If I need to, I can easily take a laptop to dance class and hammer out an email blast or blog post, or take my kids to visit their grandparents on the weekend while I have a photoshoot.

The life I dreamed about 10 years ago is here, and it’s beautiful. Messy and chaotic, but beautiful.